My heart is hurting and heavy this morning.

Since I am no longer working in the family business I am somewhat isolated from a lot of the goings on in the family news. Yesterday afternoon I received a call from my sister Pat. She was passing on info on our cousin Rene'. Rene' is in her forties and has been battling cancer (for the third time). It had originally began as breast cancer and Rene' and her doctor took the most aggressive course of treatment from the onset of the disease. Last summer at the family reunion her mom and dad made it known that the cancer was back. It seemed that some lymph nodes had not been removed and the cancer had spread to them. On Wednesday Rene's doctor told her parents that she had two days, possibly three days before the cancer takes her. I ask special prayers be lifted on Rene's behalf, and also for her family. She is in need of a miracle.

There is so much I don't understand about life. What is the selection criteria of death, of disease, of accidents, of handicaps? Sometimes death sits one seat over. One person can be taken while another is injured or in certain instances "walks away". Sometimes disease "pops up", accidents "happen". I don't understand.

Pat had also brought me up to speed on some health issues for Memama. Normally Memama has a very elevated pulse rate (100+). Lately her pulse rate has been depressed (30's) and she is complaining of fatigue. On Tuesday Pat took her to the cardiologist and they had her fitted with an "incident recorder" and took her off some medication. After an afternoon filled with alarms going off, she had a good day Wednesday.

Memama and Pepa (my parents) are really hilarious. For several years Memama has had difficulty hearing. In most cases this hasn't been a problem because they (she and Pepa) speak their own little language. Last week Memama got hearing aids! Now she can hear quite well and therein lies the problem. Over the last few years Pepa has grown accustomed to muttering under his breath and she never knew, now she "hears it all" and I think all they have done since she picked up her hearing aids is fuss. We may have to buy Pepa a muzzle or a muffler.

My Mom has always paid the bills and she does a pretty good job. This past week they got a notice of delinquent payments on their car. Memama got out the paperwork to show where she had paid it and under close scrutiny by Pat it was discovered she had been paying the car payment to the wrong people. Pepa was livid. When we were growing up any time that Memama and Pepa were having a spat she would tell us "He's just having a spell". Well, after the car payment episode he has had another "spell". He doesn't want the responsibility of paying the bills, he just wants the right to have "a spell". How do you spell "spell"? I spell it "M-e-a-n o-l' b-u-s-t-u-r-d" ( see previous post on this subject).

My work is going pretty well. I suppose I am getting my feet on the ground. I spend some of my time trying to explain things like accrual basis versus cash basis. I have moved on to February. I am in hopes of completing the income side of February and getting a good start on the expense side. I am still in hopes I get my computer eyes back before I go blind. After a long day in front of the monitor I wake up with burning eyes the following morning. All in due time.

FATHER I am sad and filled with questions this morning. I know it will all be revealed to us, but that doesn't help the hurt right now. FATHER I lift up Rene' to YOU this morning. She has had such a hard go of it the past few years. FATHER her body has been assaulted by disease and she has fought valiantly. She needs a miracle. She needs YOUR miracle of healing. I ask that YOU bless her with YOUR gift of healing and I ask that YOU comfort her. I pray for her family and ask YOUR comfort for them. I continue to pray for Hag, B., Lillie, Tj, Carol, Michelle, Aimee, Jennifer, Rusty and Kim's baby, for Krl, for those healing from their injuries, I ask YOUR physical healing for them all. FATHER I ask for spiritual awakening for all of us searching and stumbling. I ask YOU to purify our hearts and minds. I ask that YOU draw us nearer. I pray for our spiritual family, for our leaders. Nearer my GOD to thee, help me to be.