Glimpses of JESUS.

Over the last twenty-four days after losing Freddy and nineteen days later losing Terri, our family has been a wreck. It has been a month of mourning. Tears have flowed until it seemed as if there weren't any more. When you wake in the morning it feels as though someone has filled your eyes with sand. Dry and gritty. Our hearts hurt. We have a long way to go in healing. I don't know if we will ever return to the way we once were.

Through the hurt and the tears we, as a family have had opportunity to see glimpses of JESUS as friends and loved ones minister to our needs. Some of the responses have been small, others much bigger, but all of them touching us deeply.

I have been amazed at what I call the "first responders" to my Mom and Dad's house. It seemed as though they were virtually the same from when Freddy died and when Terri died. Good, good family friends. Many of them from the small church family, many of them from the small rural community. Some did nothing but make coffee or answer the telephone. Others regulated the flow of others in and out of the house. Some simply were available. To talk with, to cry with, they were there. Many brought food. It was very moving to see their response to "unspoken" need.

Of course after Terri died, only a portion of the family was present at my parents house and just for a brief period of time. It was probably just eight or ten hours from the time that they were notified of Terri's death to the time that Mom and Dad left for South Texas. Many friends were ready and waiting to do ANYTHING we might need. Dad's youngest sister (Billie) and her husband (Otis) were close by and volunteered to drive Mom and Dad to Sinton in their motorhome. This would allow Dad to make the trip while keeping his "problem" leg elevated. (One of the worst things for his swollen leg is "car posture", keeping it below heart level with limited movement). Their pledge to Mom and Dad was that they and their motorhome were available for however long Mom and Dad felt the need to to be in South Texas. Cousin Ronnie along with his wife Linda live in Corpus Christi and were able to put together lodging for the large entourage traveling from West Texas. Ron also serves as an Elder in their church in Corpus and his church family also provided part of the Thursday noon meal in Sinton. Ron had also expressed the availability of their church if a larger venue was needed.

Terri and Edwin and their family were members of a very small "New Beginnings" church in Sinton. Much too small to handle a funeral of this magnitude. Edwin decided to have the service at the Resthaven funeral home which was new and provided one of the largest sanctuaries in town.

I was amazed at the miles friends and relatives traveled to attend Terri's funeral. She had friends that drove from Farwell, over six hundred miles one way. Our sister, her husband, her son and his family drove seventeen hours straight from Indiana. Kirb flew in from Miami, Jason from Florida, Kelsi flew in from Maine. Other relatives drove as much as five hundred miles. There were friends from Roscoe that drove the four hundred miles while another former neighbor was in Chicago when she received word of Terri's passing and she re-routed her flight to be in Sinton for the service.

It was touching to see the many friends that Terri and Edwin had in Sinton. The sanctuary was filled along with the temporary seating that lined the outer edges. Edwin had asked a former minister who now resides in the metroplex to return to do Terri's service. Jake led three congregational songs and a former music director sang another. The most touching part of the service was a DVD the funeral home had produced as a memorial to Terri. There were many pictures, but the most difficult for me were the ones that had Freddy and Terri in them. It is a very harsh realization that they both are gone.

I wasn't sure how losing Terri would affect Freddy's little family. I knew it would be difficult, but sometimes knowing what others (like Edwin and the kids) were going through and the opportunity to share has a healing affect. I am afraid it was too soon to lose Terri after Freddy and it may have been more like pouring salt in an open wound. I know from a personal stand point and in conversation with Dad it has been almost too much for all of us.

A meal was served following the service. It took place at the Lutheran Church and was the result of several churches coming together to feed the masses.

After the service and the meal, the slow exodus began. Several to the airport, as others began the long trek home by highway. The exodus continued Friday and by day's end only Pat remained in Sinton.

She and Robyn were going to begin the process of recording remembrances and preparing for the big task of "thank you" notes that looms ahead.

Krl and I made a circle Friday morning, saw Mom and Dad off with Billie and Otis in the motorhome, went by to pick up my hat at Terri and Edwin's house, fueled up in downtown Sinton, then made a stop at HEB before going by the cemetery one last time and hitting the road heading North.

It was at HEB that we experienced one of the "lighter" moments of our trip. While I picked up a few items, Krl made for the restroom. (She isn't too quick with her bum leg and walking cane). By the time she returned, I had just completed checking out. I told her I was going by the restroom and she asked for the keys to the SUV and she began making her way out of the store with the basket. When I emerged from the store she was talking with an elderly gentleman who had seen her hobbling from the store pushing the grocery basket and the man, who was leaving, had parked a distance away and returned to assist her.

So, since I have last blogged, there have been many miles, a ton of tears and countless acts of JESUS evidenced by our family.

Thank all of you for your thoughtfulness and caring.

FATHER, heal us. We ask YOUR blessing on the many friends and family who have ministered to us. We pray for your comfort for Edwin and the kids, for Memama and Pepa. We ask YOUR continued comfort for Freddy's family. We pray for Pat's safety as she is away. Thank YOU for JESUS and the many JESUS wannabees!

Sleepless in South Abilene.

I had dozed off on the couch but when I moved to the bedroom I never could get settled enough to return to sleep.

About one fifteen I could hear my cell phone ringing. It was Pat. She said she wanted to talk with me before she went to sleep. Obviously we run on two different time frames. She was apologizing for upsetting me earlier in the day because we had two very definite, very different views. Pat is always talkling about "alpha" personalities. I think she is one. I guess with her training she always wants to take control. I don't want to be the boss, but don't try to force me. I've been in that leadership role before and right now all I want to do is look out for me!

When I think about it, what transpired Tuesday morning still make me furious.

It has been a very volatile day. Krl has repeatedly told me what a sorry individual I am, so I agreed and told her I was a sorry bastard and she should get out of the relationship.

Yep, it wasn't a very pretty day. Sometimes you just get tired of the BS.

Tentatively, our SUV is leaving in the morning at nine. If it leaves at all, and who is in it depends on who wakes up on time and gets their stuff loaded.

You snooze, you lose.

Tuesday morning when I was making calls telling people of the funeral arrangements, Linda told me that she and her girls would probably go on down later in the day. She said she would call and let me know for sure.

I never heard from Linda or any of her bunch, but when I talked with Pat at one fifteen this morning she told me that Linda and the girls were already there. That's O.K. because I don't really like traveling with anyone. It is very difficult to find someone who "fits". (Meaning speed, breaks, eating habits).

So, the trip down will be whatever I decide to make it!

Krl called and reserved us a room at the Best Western in Sinton. I had told Pat to turn our room back at Motel 6 during our disagreement earlier in the day. She didn't, but already the room block there had expanded from eleven to thirteen or fourteen.

Weather! It has been something! I guess this is some sort of super cell that is stuck on top of us. It seems every evening, with afternoon heating it just build up and cycles. The weather people are already predicting it again for the next couple of nights because there is no upper air system to push it out of here! Sure sounds like many of our neighbors to the South and East are in a mess with all the flooding. They sure need some relief.

So much has been going on I haven't reported on the pathology report for the biopsy the dermatologist did. I talked with them late Monday and as suspected, it was a basil cell carcinoma. They scheduled the next procedure for August 16.

Not good news, but it could have been worse. But if I see that little nurse who gave me the two shots in my nose I am going to hurt her!

I'd better get. I guess to avoid any controversy I need to go and check the alarm clock to be sure that the brief power outages during the storms didn't make it go on the blink. I want everyone to start from even just in case I have to administer sanctions.

Later!

FATHER, I don't even know what to say, but it probably wouldn't be good. I'll waive making a statement now but reserve the right to address YOU when I get sorted out.

Nineteen days after we lost Freddy, we have lost TJ.

Yesterday morning early, as I was getting ready to go to work the house phone began to ring. As luck would have it, the battery gave it up. As soon as you would clear the charger cradle, the phone would go dark and blank. Then I could hear my cell phone in the kitchen. Run as I might, by the time I got there, it would roll over to voice mail, then before I could call back, the house phone would go off again and the caller's number would be busy.

When I checked my voice mail, it was Pat and I could tell by the urgency in her voice that something was majorly wrong. "Oh, please call!", she said.

When I finally connected with her, she was very distraught. "There is no easy way to tell you, but Terri died last night", she said.

I was shocked. She told me to please hurry over as she was preparing to go and tell Mom and Dad. Fortunately, one of Dad's sisters and her husband were still in the area and Pat called them and they started for Mom and Dad's as well. I went back to the bedroom, and even though I knew we had had a very fitful night, I woke Krl and told her.

Like me she was stunned. She told me she would go with me. Shortly thereafter, we were in the SUV and heading west. Of course nothing is ever easy or convenient. None of the three vehicles at our house had enough gas to make the trip.

Finally we were on the road. It was a difficult trip. I would glance at the speedometer and I would have crept up to eighty. I would slow it back down only to find moments later that I was speeding along, even faster than before.

After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived.

Already the small town had begun to respond. In addition to family gathering at Mom and Dad's, many of the same people who were first responders when Fred died were there as well.
Once again, the many friends came to our rescue.

During Krl's and my trip over, I had talked with E, TJ's husband. Needless to say he was an emotional wreck. Thankfully, his family had already arrived to offer support because it is four hundred thirty miles from my parents house to TJ and E's in South Texas. E told me that during the night TJ had woken, complaining of a headache. He had asked her if he could get her anything for it and she told him she was going to get up for a while. Later, she came back to bed and cuddled up, telling him she had been sleeping so good but she needed just a little more. When E woke up in the morning he tried to wake her and she was gone. TJ was forty-three.

Like what happened to Fred, she just failed to wake up.

Unlike Fred, they are doing an autopsy on TJ. I know they are intrusive, but probably one thing we learned from losing Fred is that we had questions that might benefit the health of all of us remaining siblings. As Memama said, "If GOD is going to continue to take my children, I want some answers".

Three of TJ and E's kids were away from home. Two were in West Central Texas 400+ miles from home. Immediately plans mobilized to unite them and then transport the kids home. The rest of the day was spent hurrying up and waiting as plans and logistics were weighed, decisions made and plans put in place. At one point Coach had a plane waiting to take the boys home before the weather flared up South of San Antonio and the flight was cancelled.

I'm a horrible waiter.

Once Jake and Lindsey had left with the boys as passengers, Pat and Kyle soon followed. Rian headed back to Lubbock for an obligation there. Pepa's sister and her husband had returned to Abilene to retrieve their RV to transport Memama and Pepa to South Texas. (Pepa continues to have a problem with EXTREME swelling in his lower right leg and the sitting position in a vehicle for the seven hour drive would only make the situation worse. At least in their RV he could keep it elevated). Coach was returning to Brownwood to pickup Jani and head South.

Krl and I left Roscoe between five thirty and six and headed back to Abilene. Thank goodness our cell phones have strong power cells as they continued to be used almost non-stop until well after ten in the evening.

When we left Roscoe the tentative plan was for a Wednesday service with TJ's burial in South Texas. Jeanetta and members of her family had decided to drive from Indiana and they began their long road trip late Monday. Rian and Erica were planning to leave early Tuesday from Lubbock. Hag and Chris were going to be leaving from Roscoe. A three car caravan was meeting in Abilene consisting of Krl and I ,along with Linda, Joni, Christy and the two grandsons. Jason was booking a flight from Florida, Jeri was booking a flight South from the metroplex.

We had enlisted the help of our cousin Ron and his wife Linda who live in Corpus Christi to see if they could secure eleven motel rooms for us. I thought it would probably be difficult because of the seasonal harvest crews in the area. Much to our relief, Linda called back and informed us that accommodations were reserved. They will never know how much it helped for them to locate rooms. It allowed us to continue on to other details.

Late in the day I called E back, it was one of probably four or five conversations we had during the day. He was doing some better. His boys weren't yet home, but I told him they should be there within the hour and that Pat was close behind. I continued to relate all the plans that were in motion because I wanted him to feel as though the calvary was rushing to his aid. He told me he was waiting on a call from the funeral home as they had told him they were in route to retrieve Tj's body from the medical examiner. He had told us early in the day that they had completed the autopsy.

Apparently the information was wrong. When I finally talked with Pat after her arrival there, she informed me that the body had not been released and that the medical examiner had not completed the autopsy.

The next little bit of time was spent trying to get hold of family to tell them they might want to delay their departure. Everyone was still at home with the exception of Jeanetta. She and her family had already been on the road two hours and were in Illinois.

At last conversation, the service could be Wednesday afternoon or Thursday morning.

I hate to drag things out.

For those readers who might want to know, the Funeral Director in charge will be Resthaven Funeral Home, 606 S. San Patricio, Sinton, Texas.

Our hearts are hurting.

I know E, Shelby, Robyn, Wes, and Riley are hurting bad. I know Memama and Pepa can't believe what is transpiring. Pat is where she feels like she needs to be. I think she functions better when she is trying to fix something for somebody. I guess that is her training. Coach and I are reeling. Krl is very upset. Jeanetta seemed to be in shock. Fred's family has had their limited healing stripped away as they revisit a situation that is almost unbearable.

I can't believe all this has happened in less than three weeks.

And I wonder why.

I am editing now several hours after the initial post. Services are set for 10 Thursday morning. We learned that after most of the civilized world, and that really aggravates me to the core.

My phone was left in Krl's care as I couldn't make contact with anyone down South, and when I talked to Roscoe, they already knew what plans were. Doesn't really make sense.

I took Krl's phone and ran a few errands. Why she told them I had her phone I don't know, but it rang constantly! Pat, wanting to chew me out, Memama telling me how much she needed me down there! Hello! I tried to tell everyone that there really wasn't any reason to go down yesterday, especially with the autopsy pending. It seems everyone was going down for support for E and the kids yet everyone is still at the motel. Go figure!

I've already said I am not good at waiting. That hasn't changed. Just because you made decisions that suited you, don't try to force them on me!

If Krl and I go at all, it may be Thursday morning very very early! After the last ass eating out by Pat I told her to cancel our room. I don't need this!

I am fixing to prepare my resignation for the parts store and write up a demand letter for some titles!

Have a day.

FATHER, we need some answers. We need YOUR comfort and care. We pray for safe travel for all of those traveling to be with TJ's family. Deliver us.

' need a little help here!

I need a do-over for the weekend. I think I can get it right with one more day. I'd appreciate it if you would do what you can.

We did absolutely nothing that we usually do on a weekend. In fact, almost all the time we usually spend doing errands and such, were spent at the family reunion.

It was bittersweet.

It was good to be with extended family, yet it seemed that every where I looked I expected to see Freddy.

Sunday morning I thought to myself that we had to be early for the family church service, because we didn't have the cushion of knowing that Freddy would show up just in the nick of time! (Ha! Inside joke).

During the Saturday auction (which benefits the reunion fund) as I would scan the room for bids it was almost a distraction as I was so conscious of Fred's absence.

Fred's family, less Jason (he is on a project in Florida) came to the reunion Sunday. I know how difficult it was for me and I can only imagine how difficult it was for them. Jake participated in the service, and in some ways that was comforting, knowing that Fred's legacy continues on.

I am glad to have this weekend behind me. I realize all of our immediate family is extremely sensitive. I also realize that all of the extended family has the best of intentions, yet the weekend was filled with small gaffes. Probably the most painful was Saturday afternoon when one relative accidentally called me Fred, more than once. Thing is, it was done once in the presence of Memama and Pepa. I tried to not react, but Krl said it was very evident by the expression on everyone's face that it was painful.

Sunday on the way to lunch, I heard someone shout at Dillon and Devon. It sounded just like Fred. Turns out it was Jake shouting at his nephews.

I want to get past the painful realizations where we can find pleasure in Fred's legacy and memory.

It's going to be difficult.

Just to report, I did do the annual auction at the reunion. Melba told me she figured I knew I was supposed to conduct it, because I have done it for twenty years. She said I am a fixture. I asked her if that meant like a toilet! The auction netted the reunion fund $2083+ dollars. I don't believe I heard what the raffle project raised.

Next year is our family's turn to host. (It rotates from family to family. About every six years it comes around.) We had the annual business meeting to pick a date and to address different issues. For many years we have had the reunion at the same location. Last year we almost made a change but new ownership had just taken over and they made some big promises. Very few of which were filled.

It was very evident that most family members are ready for a change. The biggest problem with relocating is finding a location that has an affordable meeting room large enough to house the major activities (Friday nite Domino tournament, Saturday auction and Ringo game, Sunday Church and business meeting, while allowing a central location for impromptu visiting throughout the weekend.) In the past we have had meals served, but the last few years we have had arrangements to eat "out" as a group but without strict time lines for the meals paid for by the reunion fund. Minimum requirements would be for a meeting room that would seat one-hundred to one-hundred twenty-five people in a sit down meal situation and probably thirty to forty guest rooms would be a mid range number that would be needed. If any of you have any suggestions in the Abilene, Sweetwater vicinity, let me know!

Krl's leg is giving her a fit! It is so weird, Saturday she could hardly walk on it with her cane. Sunday morning she walked all the way from the car to the meeting room with virtually no problem, then when we got ready to leave for lunch she could put NO weight on it! I had to go get her wheelchair. She is going to call the doctor today.

My dermatologist's office called the house Friday, shortly before they closed for the weekend. They left a message saying the pathology results were back and to give them a call to discuss them and the treatment. I am taking the treatment part to mean that they came back as the physician's assistant predicted, meaning the basil cell carcinoma. I find I dread calling them.

My back and shoulder have been pounded on all weekend long. Our family is filled with huggers, shoulder pat-ers, and back slappers. Ouch!

It should be a busy day at the parts store. Friday we ordered lots of items and I doubt Chris and DB got it put up. All of the employees were in attendance Friday, which is a little weird, but it was a very productive day. We did a lot of work in the warehouse getting some hard numbers on inventory and placing orders. DJ had asked me to work with him bar coding some of the hardware items but we never got to it. He may come in today and we'll give it another go.

Of course we couldn't get through the week without having another computer issue. TAMS lost one saved invoice just as it was brought back to active status. While I was able to re-bill the total dollar amount, I wasn't able to reproduce the itemized statement. The customer was very understanding and agreed to the re-bill, now I need to try to reconstruct the itemized just to adjust inventory. Lots of vehicle lights and lamps along with a couple of boxes of safety glasses.

Our house has been fitful all night. Krl was up, then me, then both. The big houndgirls are spazzing because of the thunder and lightning, the little pups just want us to go to bed so they can snooze. I can hear the television in the living room which tells me Krl is up again.

Have a good week! Make it a day!

Oh FATHER, I am needy.

Sometimes life just disappoints you.

I guess Krl and I sold ourselves on expectations instead of reality. Krl went to the doctor and had her cast removed Wednesday. I went to my surgeon early Thursday and had all my staples removed (I had been mistaken, I thought I had twenty-six or seven staples total. Turned out, that was just in my back and shoulder. It didn't include my other shoulder!). I guess we thought Krl was going to instantly be transformed to her old self and old mobility. I thought I was going to be rid of any discomfort.

As it turns out, Krl is finding that there was a great deal of comfort and stability in her big purple cast. I am finding out that the staples, while uncomfortable, were able to give me a warning prior to over extending or over exerting myself.

It is going to be a long road back.

Thursday Krl and I made the trek westward to the seasonal job site. We left early enough to get to town before the bank closed, conducted a little business, went by the Post Office, and made a broad circle to the job site. The office was almost empty as everyone was trying to set up and decorate for the annual stock holders meeting which was to be followed by the Community Family Fun Day and Barbecue. Krl and I didn't go to the stock holder's meeting and that gave us opportunity to continue our road tour. We arrived back at the hall just in time as they were rolling out the refreshment beverages. It took only minutes after that for the meeting to adjourn, and the socializing began.

It was good to see all of our friends and co-workers. As always, there was a lot of catching up on the happenings of the community. Thing is, we barely covered anything. To be such a small community there is always a lot happening.

I was very touched by the many condolences and kind words that were offered regarding Freddy's untimely death. These are good people and Krl and I are fortunate to have made such good friends.

On our way westward we took the time to go by to visit Freddy's grave site. I had not been back since late on the day of his funeral. Try as I might to believe it is not real, when you read his grave marker it becomes very, very, real. I am trying to decide if I am dealing with this the right way because it continues to be very difficult. I'm not able to be much comfort or support to anyone else.

One of the things that continues to amaze me is that on the heels of tragedy, our family continues to be blessed by it. I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that even in death Fred continues to move and shape our family. I suppose we should take comfort in this. Maybe I'm just selfish and bull headed. While I could not have scripted a better last conversation than what Freddy and I had, I find myself wishing for one more opportunity to talk with him. Thing is I have so much to ask him I don't know exactly what we would talk about. I guess that is why GOD's plan doesn't come with a visible timer.

But, who are we to question GOD. I keep trying to remind myself that we continue to see a small portion of the giant masterpiece GOD is unfolding.

Fred's family traveled to Lubbock Thursday for the first of what will probably be many such treks as they begin to unfold the intricate details of everything Fred had going on. Pat was able to accompany them. She and I have discussed how delicate and fine the line is concerning being supportive and yet not being intrusive. As much as we love Fred as our brother, we don't want to intrude on his family that has lost a husband, father, and grandfather.

Last evening Pepa's family's reunion began here in Abilene. I guess I am supposed to conduct the family auction. I find myself "not in the mood" for being jovial and fun loving and I could probably see myself on the outer fringes of this weekends activity. But then I ask myself the old question WWFD or WWFWUTD. So I will attend, and I will do what ever is asked or expected of me.

I think as much as I look forward to seeing relatives, I am more aware of the voids that exist, especially among our generation, and it bothers me. It is difficult to realize your own mortality.

I keep looking at the clock and asking myself what I am doing up on a Saturday morning. Especially after the late Thursday we had. I found the little houndgirls needed my space in bed more than I did. When I exited the bedroom, the big hounds were sacked out on their pallets while the little ones were cuddled on the bed, Krl seemed to be sleeping very soundly, serenading them with her rhythmic breathing.

Well, let's have a weekend. Hope yours is a good one!

FATHER, our hearts continue to hurt. I pray for healing and comfort. I ask for strength and resolve. Bless-ed be YOUR name.

Wednesday. Yea!

Moving right along.

Things continue to be active and busy at the store. We have suspected a few computer glitches for the last couple of weeks but yesterday drew some of these out. We ordered two of one item for stock and received an entire tote! Forty of them. $250 worth compared to $12. Add to this the problem last week where we ordered six of one item and received 100. $301 worth compared to $36 worth we ordered. The final one was the straw that broke the camels back though. Chris ordered three boxes or sixty particle masks. They shipped us what he ordered, but billed us for sixty boxes. $460 worth compared to $24 worth we ordered. So I figure I saved the store $939 yesterday.

Hey, I might be a value buy.

I had taken my admonition last week, but yesterday was my day to dish it out! It has always bothered me that many of the distribution center employees have a "holier than" attitude. It does my heart good when I can be right! Yes! Of course when I told them of the problem, they had to go into their system just to see if I was telling them the truth. Same thing for them, order two get forty.

The other problem was that the computer was not showing the size of lots available. Often times things are available in singles or groups and the computer is supposed to tell you how many of what you have to buy. I reported this to computer support before I took on the DC. My argument was if I believed what they wanted me to believe, I shouldn't have received 100, I should have received 600 of the item!

Best part of talking with the DC was telling them we needed a return goods authorization number! Lately they have been forcing us to live with any mistakes, theirs or ours, saying they were changing over to scheduled "class returns" only. When we called for the authorization number Chris simply told them if was for items not ordered, or computer generated orders, or items shipped in error. We loaded them up. Everything we have wanted to ship back was packed on that skid. Chris says we can expect a phone call today.

Hey, we are just dumb country bumpkins!

The high lite of my work day was lunch! But not for the meal. Pat came by with Memama and picked me up and we went to Smacker's, a small local restaurant. It is the first time I have eaten out when I have been at work and that is probably approaching four months! Usually I take my lunch and either eat at the counter or at my desk or if I leave the store I have gone to Memama's or Pat's houses.

This might be a good thing to schedule weekly. Lunch out on the town.

Our lunch break expanded as Pat took Memama to Inadale and we expanded our tour back to Loraine and South of Roscoe, showing her the tremendous progress at the wind farm. Unless you see it, it is hard to believe!

Krl is supposed to go to the doctor today. She fully expects to get her cast off. If she doesn't get it off I feel sorry for the doctor because I figure she'll leave it with him! He just might not like the way it is administered.

Two weeks today since we lost Freddy. I have my moments. I wonder how long this will go on. I don't not to want to remember him, but I want to remember him without being sad. I'm not talking about being sad for him, because I think he is in a much better place than where we are. He is at peace. Right now he is six foot two, lean and mean, bullet proof, and is basking in a glorious place. No worries. I'm talking about feeling sad for me. I feel selfish.

Pat gave me a book to read and I am reading it now. I may finish it this morning. Ninety Minutes in Heaven. So far it has been an interesting read. As it turns out, a friend of Memama's gave her the same book.

It continues to amaze me, the number of cards still arriving at Mom and Dad's. What we have received here at our house is minuscule by comparison.

One more day until I am minus staples. I can hardly wait! Now If I could just get rid of the bruising too!

I find myself looking forward to our Thursday scheduled jaunt to the seasonal job site for the community wide barbecue. I need to see our friends out there. I am hopeful that we can leave early enough to do a little business too.

Well, let's have a day. We'll call it Wednesday! Make it a good one!

FATHER, heal our hearts, send your angels for our comfort. Tell Freddy hi!

Well, the weekend is history!

Three-thirty this morning I was staring at the clock. I guess I am feeling the pressure to get the week going. It's going to be a busy one.

Of course I have the standard MTuWF work schedule. Add to this a Wednesday doctor appointment for Krl (hopefully to get her cast off) and me a Thursday appointment to get my staples out. (If I haven't scratched them out by then.). Between my doctor appointment and arriving to work Friday morning we have some miles to put in.

Thursday afternoon and evening we have to go West to the seasonal jobsite for a little business and pleasure. They are having their annual family fun day and barbecue. The crop insurance deadline for planting this years crop is Wednesday so they are wasting no time celebrating getting the crop in! For most of the area residents this is a welcome activity after a hard and busy time of the year. Of course there are usually a few who cannot attend because they are harvesting their wheat!

It has been six months today that we were last there. It is always interesting to learn of new developments. Last week we learned that the office manager had retired after thirty-five years. We have already heard of new babies and other items of interest.

We were supposed to return in February to go out with our small group from there. After Krl broke her leg, this had to be postponed. In one week it will be the one year anniversary of them coming to Abilene! We miss all of these guys!

Our sources tell us that their irrigated crop has been in the ground for a while and residents were working at planting their dry land crop. Tremendous potential!

I am trying to decide what I am going to walk into at work today. Friday saw Chris with his panties in a wad. Hopefully the weekend will have settled him down some. His mother and I discussed it and I think I have noticed a trend that if we have a really good day sales wise, he sometimes begins to think he is bullet proof and doesn't need any mentoring! His Mom says she thinks last week was because it had been a long hard week and he was tired. May be a combination of all the above.

My Father's Day was laid back. Grilled a little and watched NASCAR (my man didn't win). I had calls from Rian and Ollie. Didn't hear from the other two but that does not surprise me. Obviously the latter two are either doing pretty good (or so they think) and they don't need anything, or else they are to ashamed to come 'round because they haven't owned up to their end of our bargains.

All of this will go into the master formula!

Have a day!

FATHER, I don't know where to begin!

Guess what?

Yep, I've been up a couple of hours already.

I've watched the U.S. Open replay, done a little channel surfing, done a little internet research, and played a ton of Free-cell and golf solitaire.

I don't know why all the sudden I'm an insomniac again. I just know I am.

I don't think I had any sort of episode, other than the fact that my eye lids are mounted on spastic springs and just flung open!

My Saturday was short and sweet. Barber Shop, home, Petsmart, grocery store home.

This was my third trip to the new barber shop, but only the second time back to Nick, the barber who cut my hair. Last time I ended up in a female barber's chair and her interpretation of what I got and what I asked for were far apart! I got the feeling yesterday that Nick was still doing damage control. It's not the best work Nick has done, but I can live with it.

My stop at the house was to pick up Krl and a grocery list. I got the list.

I think what Krl and I have is a failure to communicate. Obviously she thinks I feel much better than I really feel. She told me she didn't think she could walk through the store on her cast. I told her that was O.K., we had her wheelchair in the SUV. She didn't think I needed to put her chair out and then back in the vehicle. I don't see a whole lot of difference in handling the wheelchair and handling a fifty pound bag of dog food at Petsmart. Neither is comfortable, but someone has to do it.

I think my recovery is going O.K.. If it took anytime at all I wouldn't be satisfied. My biggest problem is that the staples have begun to pull. Also, for some reason unknown to me, the incisions are becoming painful to touch. Just sitting back in the seat of my pickup is almost unbearable. I think I have five pain pills left. Believe me, I think the whole thing through before I take one.

I need to say happy Father's Day to my dad and all the other dad's out there.

I was not real satisfied with the card selection this year. It just didn't seem like any stood out. I thought I had purchased mind of a middle of the road card. Nothing mushy, but nothing funny. I guess I was looking for safe. I figure tomorrow will be a difficult day for Dad, especially on the heels of losing Freddy. I know it will be hard for Fred's family too.

I grilled half pound hamburgers last evening! In my books they were pretty good. I figure we will fire up the grill again today. I bought a trimmed brisket half yesterday. I suppose the worst thing about buying the groceries is that I am setting the menu and if Krl doesn't go she has no idea what I was thinking.

Whatever you do today, have a day!

FATHER, help us through this day!

Ahhh. I needed that.

I slept like a rock.

I guess I have pushed the envelope with my recovery. It was probably too much to drive two hours to and from work and then spend most of my time waiting the counter. I'm sure I needed the mental stimulation/routine to work through some of the grief.

Due to a lot of contributing circumstances, this past week has been difficult. Emotionally and financially. Funny thing is, when I have wrestled with the financial aspect it has helped me deal with losing my brother. Where he is at, he is not worrying about money or anything else. He is at peace. Everything else is trivial.

Yesterday, Chris and DJ had gone to lunch and I was in the store by myself and it was not busy at all! Hardly any traffic. I think during the hour they were gone I had one customer and sold him a whopping thirty-five cents worth of hardware accessories. I'll admit I was a little bored. All the sudden I thought of something I wanted to share with Fred and without even thinking, I picked up the phone. Oh well, he would have enjoyed it.

While the store has seen limited foot traffic this week, it has probably been a banner week sales wise. Lots of big ticket items! Add to this the fact that we continue to receive new applications for credit from contractors new to the area and we could still be riding the wave!

I met the truck pusher Fred had hired. He actually worked for a former creditor of the company. He said he quit because he felt the creditor was very unethical. This man has put together a very good program. He has gotten some things done that have needed to be done. I know the contractor they have been working for has given this man some orders or requests that have been nearly impossible to meet, yet he has met every one. While the contractor has ordered more and more equipment, the trucks have worked less hours on less days because they over run the construction equipment. They will haul in one day what it takes the contractor two days to spread and smooth.

I talked with Linda yesterday, she called the store looking for Pat. We touched on the tips of multiple subjects. I simply told her that this is a huge ball of yarn to try to get her arms around and it was going to be very ugly when she learned some information. While I can appreciate Fred trying to shield and protect, his family only has an inkling of what was going on with the business.

My "cheer" line used to be that the business didn't get where it was over night. It wasn't going to be healed overnight either. Now I can add that it will not be sorted through overnight either.

Thankfully this is not a timed event.

Pat was by the store yesterday and spent enough time there to realize that Chris was in a mood. I told her that it seems like the more successful day the business has, the more independent and fussy he becomes. She didn't want to stay around (I don't blame her) and she asked me to load up with her to go to Inadale to look at the wind farm progress. We made a quick trip up and back. I could not believe the progress. They have several wind turbines completely erected and many more are waiting for the generator and the blades to be lifted.

Call me crazy, but I find these things therapeudic. I think they are gorgeous!

I told Pat it was a shame they hadn't arrived ten or fifteen years earlier.

On my way home I ran by the pharmacy and did a couple of errands.

Have a day.

FATHER, YOU are my refuge. Shelter me.

I am beginning to think I felt better before I began going to the doctor a month ago.

Well, maybe I wouldn't go that far!

I always kid Memama and Pepa that if they didn't go to the doctor(s), they wouldn't go anywhere at all. As it stands, they go all the time. But I'm not complaining, they are really in pretty good health.

I made my 9 AM. appointment for my follow up with my surgeon. He was running just over an hour behind. That always poses a major problem for me because I figure my time is worth just as much as his is. An inability to stay on schedule could mean a number of things, one of them being ADD. A simple explanation could be lack of organization. The most likely explanation could be that he has one of those management groups that tells him how many patients he has to see to reach pre-set goals. Usually these goals are very unreal.

The best news of the day was that he removed my drain tube! Yea! That was almost immediate relief. It was a downer that he decided against removing any staples! One more week. He did tell us that the pathology report came back consistent with lipomas, which is good. (Meaning benign). He went on to tell us that when he removed them they weren't the big bleeders he feared but they did have lots of fingers or tentacles that had attached to anything in the neighborhood. Basically this just made for a more difficult extraction and probably accounted for a little more post op pain.

In between appointments we ran back to the house to unload potted plants Pat had brought over. It is still unbelievable the number of plants that friends and relatives sent to Fred's funeral. In fact, the flower shops have delivered a couple of days this week! They tell me that Jason and Christy's house looked like a jungle and they delivered many plants to churches and nursing homes and other places last weekend. The remaining plants have been sent to other family member's homes. They are very gorgeous!

Next stop was the dermatologist! Another long wait! Over an hour and a half. Turns out it was so bad that my docile sister, the RN, family medical revue officer, got up and walked to the window. "Yes, is there a problem?", she asked. "Do we need to re-schedule?" I am sure later in the day the receptionist realized she had never been chewed out in such a nice manner! Kill 'em with kindness!

When we finally got to go back, Pat had developed a game plan. She wanted the P.A. to do a complete melanoma check on me. When the P.A. walked in, she asked what I was there for and I began to point and explain. In between she was talking to her nurse, but the P.A. told me to take off my shirt so she could look at my multitude of moley oleys! "Oh my!", she exclaimed as my staples from the recent surgery registered with her trained eyes! "You've had surgery!" (You can't slip nothing by some people). About this time the nurse stepped in front of me and said "Bee sting!" Yikes! She stuck me in the nose with a needle, not once, but twice. Now that first time might have been an accident, but I think that second one was intentional! When the P. A. got through with my once over, she told us she didn't see anything to be concerned about, except for the place on my nose. She told me to put my shirt on and lay back on the table. I wasn't even comfortable before I could see the handle of a scapula and the P.A. had whacked off the skin flaw in question! Ouch! No fanfare, no "on a count of three", no "ready or not". It was done! We were in the express line! She told us that it was not a melanoma, she was virtually positive of that. However she did say that relying on her experience she was certain that it was a basil cell carcinoma. Which is an official way of saying the big "C". Cancer. They sent it to the lab to be sure, but she told us what the next procedure would be and approximately when to expect a call from them. When we got outside Pat cyphered through everything and told us that if I had to have a cancer, this was the best kind to have! My understanding is that it is not very aggressive and works from the outside in instead of vice versa.

I can't believe anyone would think I would have any kind of cancer but the best kind!

Probably the worst thing of the whole ordeal was the bandage. I have never seen such a monstrosity. It was almost like they went into the bathroom and returned with a new roll of toilet paper and said, "Put your nose in here!" while pointing to the center of the tube. A couple of big X's with some packing tape and they were putting me out the door. Not even a "I hope you're not driving".

I had no idea that when things began to happen they would progress so quickly. Krl and I had told Pat that we had a gift to certificate to Chili's, and we were all talking about maybe going to eat afterwards. Our treat. We were all hungry, at least before we went back. For some reason after you have been stabbed repeatedly in your nose with a needle and then they whack a portion of it off, you lose your appetite. As it turns out, Pat had a full plate of errands to do anyhow.

Krl and I never ate lunch. We just did an early supper.

I did feel well enough to go and pay a couple of bills later in the day. I found if I tilted my head just right and angled it, I could see through the middle of the toilet paper cardboard tube, so driving wasn't too big a deal.

I should have been a submarine pilot!

Well today is Friday! Thank GOD. I need a weekend. And a paycheck! Yippee! Other notes of interest for today's date are as follows. Today is Rian's last day under contract for the summer. He has about five weeks off before going under contract for the next school year. It is also TJ's birthday. I'm not sure how old she is but I know she is getting really really old. Something like forty-three or something. (Even if I knew I wouldn't say publicly). My theory is that you are getting old when your age is larger than your IQ!

Chris called me and asked me to make a pickup before I leave Abilene today. From the sound of it I just hope I have enough room in my little truck to haul it all. I told his Mom that I don't know if we really need any of this stuff but it may be a reason for me to stop by La Popular Bakery for burritos. I haven't done that this week. Hah!

The month is moving right along! Sales at the store seem to be soaring! And that is good.

My sources have told me that the contracts have been let for phase three of the wind farm project. That means six more to go! They are still saying that it could be six and a half or seven years before the last phase is completed.

Pat told me Pepa found him a custom harvester to combine his wheat crop! I hope they get a good run in before it weathers again! He had been threatening to get out his combine, but none of us thought his health was up to it yet! I think between Pepa, Jason and Brent had put together a package of about two thousand acres of wheat to be harvested. I visited with Mr. Bonner, the general manager of the company that runs the grain elevator and he told me that local grain prices were set at $4.90/bushel. That is about the best I have heard this year. Yields have been well above average. And that is good.

Well, I had better get. I don't know what I will do in the middle of the night but I will find something!

Have a day!

FATHER, with YOUR help.

The last few days it has become evident that summer is here. Hot.

I have worked three days so far this week at Chris's store. Today is my scheduled day off, which I will spend in and out of doctor's offices.

Not much of a day off, huh!

Pepa got a pretty good report from his doctor in Lubbock yesterday. I figure that is a good thing because ready or not, he is fixing to go back to work!

The parts store has been busy this week. It seems like a steady stream of people coming and going all day long. The brief lulls are barely giving us time to do some of the things we need to do like putting together service packs for one of our larger customer's fleets. Then it seems we are expanding our inventory to meet a changing clientele.

It has been pretty fulfilling for me to watch as many of the inventory additions I was hired to make, have begun to move. It takes a while just to get the word out. I recently purchased for the store a group of high visibility, six-in-one screwdrivers for resale. I had purchased the exact same items at the seasonal jobsite. It gives me a thrill every time I'm by the counter and there is another vacancy in the display! I have also made a few changes trying to see how we are affected by impulse buying. So far, these have been a success!

My education continues though. I probably devoted a couple of hours to researching a small fifty-nine cent retainer. Problem was, the computer never did recognize what I was looking for. I finally called our buddy at the DC and he helped me find and locate what I was looking for. Terminology is proving to be a real challenge. The computer registered the part once the research was complete, but I will never know why their description list it as a GM retainer clip. I told our friend in Dallas that I was only as good a parts man as he was smart. It pays to know who to call!

After two consecutive nights of excellent sleep, here I am up and at 'em in the middle of the night. Go figure.

I can't let the Dale Earnhardt Jr. news go by without comment. It would be interesting what sort of terms were agreed to. We know that it is a five year contract. It is unbelievable that Junior is going to be teamed with Jeff Gordon, Jimmy Johnson, and Casey Mears at Hendrick Motorsports. That sounds like an all star lineup. I have always like Junior but never been a fan. That stands to change now. It will be interesting to see how Junior responds to Hendrick's vast resources. Now I feel that we will see what Junior can really do! I'm also very curious about the Bud sponsorship. The car Junior is moving to has had long time affiliation with Kellogg. There have also been rumors that MasterCard or Visa were wanting to cash in on Junior's marketability.

Last evening I was talking with Pat. She had told me she would go to the doctors appointments with us. I think she really wants to make the one with the dermatologist. When I was on my way home, just a few miles from the house the pavement became wet. We had had a rain shower. While Pat was talking with me it began to rain harder and water was running off the house. She found it hard to believe because fifty miles to the west the sun was shining brightly.

I had a call from Ed, the other contractor from the fall jobsite. He had just learned of Fred's death. He was offering his condolences and telling me they would have sent flowers, attended the services, or made some type of memorial, if they had only known.

Earlier in the day I waited on a customer I thought I recognized, and as he was leaving we were talking and I asked him his name. Turned out my instincts were right, he was who I thought he was. His name was Omer and he owns the B-Line lube chain. He had been a friend and long time supporter of Fred's. He was out of town last week and was saddened and surprised when he returned home and learned about Fred.

Well, I have ranted and raved without saying a whole lot. I just needed to purge my brain cache. Maybe I will try to lie down again.

Have a day!

FATHER, be with me.

Wow. I'm trying to determine how my recuperation is going. One of two things has happened. Either someone has crept up on me from behind and buried an ice pick to the hilt, just to the right of center on my back! Or, the drain tube is fixing to poke through the front!

I think most of my pain and misery are derived from the drain tube. I would like to say if I can make it to tomorrow I'll have it made, but I don't want to get myself hyped just in case it doesn't happen. We are still draining it twice a day and getting about fifteen ccs. each time. I know how disheartening it was for Krl when her orthopedic doctor had promised to take off her cast and then changed his mind telling her three more weeks!

I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow morning, followed by an appointment with the dermatologist two hours later. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. It has been comical Pat has been marking moles for the dermatologist to look at, when Krl is cleaning my incisions she washes off the marks, so it is an ongoing battle.

Pepa is due back in Lubbock today for his follow up doctor visit. Pat is going with them. He seems to be doing much better lately.

Today is a week since we lost Fred. I don't know how many times I have begun to call him before I realized he is gone. The last couple of days have been really difficult.

But, we will get through it.

One day at a time.

FATHER, I need a little help here.

Ppfffhhhtt! That's frustrating. I had started my work in progress about what do you do in heaven, which was supposed to be a saved draft and darn it all, blogger went ahead and posted it! And I wasn't even anywhere near ready!

This will be short and sweet!

I slept better than I have slept in quite some time. To be honest, I got caught up on my pain pills and got a little relief, thanks to Mr. Miller and Mr. Light. I was still in bed snoozing when the alarm went off! It was five-fifty!

For some reason, today has been very difficult for me. Freddy has weighed heavy on my mind. I'm not sure why. I had been working on a possible deal that would have included Fred and today I had a call concerning it. Hopefully it was something that would alleviate some cash flow delays and generate a little revenue. I talked with Pepa a little about it and tried to call Bubba just to put him in the loop. I didn't make contact. The other party is K.O. and he and I did talk.

Every time I find myself thinking about Fred I have caught myself humming or singing a son from Church.

Lay your burdens down,
Every care, you carry.
And come to the table of God
for there is mercy.
Come just as you are,
we are all unworthy!

FATHER, it is all laid at YOUR feet. I pray for healing, physically and emotionally. I pray for YOUR divine guidance.

All the sudden I looked at the calendar and it is the eleventh of June. Huh?

I realize last week was a blur but hey, I have reporting due by the fourteenth!

I think if I can have fifteen or twenty minutes I can get my office stuff done. I guess it is a good thing I am already back up.

It is my intention to go to the parts store today. At least for a while. I am becoming frustrated with my recovery. I thought I would be better by now. I am concerned that I may be developing a low grade fever. Krl is becoming a pro at stripping my drain. It became plugged again yesterday. Twice.

I appreciate Maple Syrple's care and concern, but the little mutt can actually bring me to my knees. Her favorite place to sleep is to curl up in the curve of my back and press really hard into me. This must be something that is tremendously comforting for her but I'm beginning to wonder if she is not playing fair.

About an hour ago, I woke with a start! She got on the short side of the bed (meaning between me and the edge) she began her little ritual of expanding her boundaries, but the alarming thing to me was I could not locate my drain tube or my accumulator. I finally had to get out of bed to locate and untangle and free myself! By the time this was completed, a little redheaded houndgirl was snoring and my place in bed was no longer vacant!

Oh well, I needed a pain pill anyway!

I am trying to figure out the delicate balance of being supportive of Linda and the Kiddos and yet not being intrusive on their privacy. I think that when I arrive in Roscoe I will make a call to Jason. I was not a confidant of Fred's so I don't know a whole lot about what is going on. I just know it has to seem like a massive task for his family.

One day at a time.

Over the weekend I found myself wondering "what do you do in heaven?" I don't believe there is a "register of time". I am hopeful that their is no monetary system or scale. I expect and want it to be "all-inclusive". I guess what I'm asking is do you just lounge around and read or what? Is there an activity director or what? We know that there is no pain, no affliction, no strife. I assume there will be angelic music, and no doubt when you are in GOD's presence you will be in total awe. I know I'm getting a little weird and I'm using too many "what ifs".

I just never have thought about heaven on a day to day basis.

Inquiring minds want to know.

I can only imagine. Will I dance for YOU Jesus, will I be able to stand at all. Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all.

FATHER, we are thankful that you are a loving and caring GOD. We pray for healing, we ask that YOU make our hearts stop hurting.

I need a day off, when I feel good.

Recently I had made contact with a young man, about Rian's age, who was trying start a custom harvesting company. Actually he is a friend of a friend. When he thought he had everything in place, one major component fell through and it threatened the entire project. Since my job was and is to manage assets, I had been trying to put some of the Black Sheep equipment to work. I made this young man a business proposition and initially he had made alternate arrangements. Thursday I received a call asking me if the offer was still good. It was, and I spent my Saturday morning getting Black Sheep ready. Shortly before noon the young man arrived and I introduced him to Black Sheep. I am hopeful for this young man's venture.

Some times success can't be measured by money, but by lessons learned and experiences gained.

When I went to unhook Black Sheep and take it to the fuel stop, I was trying to decide if I was running a fever or if it was really humid. By the time I arrived back at the house, all of my wound dressings were beginning to fall off. The tape was turning loose. This was a blessing in disguise because if forced us to clean and re-dress my incisions. Twenty-four staples. Krl got serious with the cleaning because the tape had left a sticky, yucky residue. It really felt wonderful! I had a itch that was finally getting scratched!

Krl had told me she thought the wound drain was plugged up but no matter what she did it never would flow. She had boiled the incisions out with peroxide and we were leaving the wounds open to air when the doorbell rang. It was the family medical revue officer, Pat, with her best friend Kay. They came in and Pat complimented Krl on her wound cleaning and they discussed the drain tube situation. I'm not sure what it entailed but Pat stripped the drain tube and it began draining and didn't stop until 30 cc's had been collected. That got me some relief.

The rest of my day was spent laying around and recuperating!

Pat returned later with a handful of movies for Krl and me to watch. Our visit was brief but yielded quite a bit of information. We both continue to monitor how Mom and Dad are doing as more relatives leave. We are thankful that it has been a gradual process, but we are fearful that today will see the last of them leave.

I am thankful for a couple of friends that have made it a point to call me and touch base on a daily basis.

One day at a time.

FATHER, continue to carry me.

Whew, I need to decompress.

Yesterday was unbelievable. The flowers, the food, the huge number of people that attended or tried to attend Freddy's funeral.

They could not find places for many of the potted plants that had been sent to the funeral so they were shipped directly from the funeral home to Memama's, Jason's, and Fred and Linda's houses.

Many people were turned away from the service because the sanctuary was full, the overflow rooms were full, and all the temporary seating was packed. We needed to borrow one of those big screens from Jerry Jones and have tailgaters!

The day was difficult to say the least, but it was light hearted as well. It was a celebration of Freddy's life. Many funny remembrances were shared. Freddy was always running late and it was very fitting that Linda and the kids escorted Freddy's casket in, the last person allowed in the sanctuary. Royce, one of the ministers, made the statement that you heard of people being habitually late that would be late to their own funeral, he continued on to tell us that we had just witnessed that firsthand!

The "family" in attendance numbered near one-hundred fifty. We had opportunity to see many people we hadn't seen since we were at ACU.

After the graveside service many returned to Memama and Pepa's home. Krl and I went there for a brief while. By the time I got home I was ready for some drugs! It took until near midnight for the pain pills to get me comfortable enough to go to bed!

Words cannot express our thanks for the many acts of kindness that have been extended to our family.

FATHER, I ask YOUR blessings on the many wonderful friends and family who have ministered to us over the last few days. I ask that you continue to be with our family as the support thins and reality sets in. FATHER, YOU are good!

I fully understand what Toby Keith meant in his hit song!

I ain't as tough as I once was!

O.K., that's a little twist. I fully expected to bounce back quickly. I had planned to travel to Roscoe last evening for the family visitation, but that all changed. About two in the afternoon I decided to make a test run, just to check all the systems. After all, I was barely outside the driving guidelines the doctor gave me.

I was driving to the courthouse to get license tags. Slow and easy. After an hour and a half at the County Clerk's office it sure was looking like a long way home. By the time I got home I was lots smarter! It took several hours before my pain eased up.

I guess it is a combination of all the things going on, but it was one of those deals where the pain just made me nauseous. I am beginning to figure out that my pain pill is minimalistic so timing is essential. I do hope Krl is up to driving us to and from Roscoe today.

I've done a lot of reflecting the last couple of days so I'll tell you a light hearted story. I assume all of you are aware of the WWJD bracelets. (What would Jesus do, if you haven't been in our universe). In the old office Fred was on the dispatch, rolling stock side while I was on the opposite side doing billing, payroll and such. A few years ago Fred and Linda went to England as a celebratory trip commemorating their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. The office functioned during his absence, but not without a few hiccups. As a joke, just prior to Freddy's return, we copied and put signs all over the office that simply said WWFD! (What would Freddy do!). It was a real hoot!

I'm afraid there is going to be a lot of WWFD. Already I have caught myself reaching for the phone to give him a call and ask him something.

I'm pretty much gutted. Numb. Today is going to be a difficult day.

FATHER, forgive me for being sad about my loss and not being happy for Freddy's gain. I commend him to your care. I lift up to YOU his family, friends and all those who have ministered to and offered comfort and solace. I ask YOUR blessings on them and that YOU surround them with YOUR angels. Fill our void. Help us to realize that Fred is in a far better place. Victory in JESUS.

Wow. Talk about a week of highs and lows.

After my surgical procedure yesterday I am at home and recovering, rehabilitating. Whatever you want to call it. The surgeon addressed only three of the issues saying the remainder of them would be addressed in his office. The surgery was a success as far as surgeries go, I would guess.

They ended up using what Pat calls conscious sedation. I was in and out of sleep throughout the entire procedure, waking when they needed me to re-position for the next extraction. The doctor (or actually I think it was a nurse) in charge of the sedation was excellent. Best part was I was in the express line getting out of the recovery unit.

Absolute best part was that they had Diet Coke in recovery! The only thing better would have been if they could have hooked up a Diet Coke IV!

Outside of being somewhat sore and minus three cysts or masses. I am doing good. At least in my book.

Krl accompanied me to the hospital. It was comical because I pushed her in her wheel chair into pre-op and everyone thought she was the patient. If I had been smart I would kept quiet until all the poking and prod-ing was complete and then I could have stepped forward and rescued her.

Pat drove over to offer support and be with Krl during the procedure. On my medical records I had listed both Krl and Pat for the doctor and hospital to share my information with. I listed Krl as my spouse and Pat as my medical revue officer! As luck would have it one of the day surgery nurses had been an instructor of Pat's. Initially they had told Krl and I that either I could have Pat back or Krl, but not both. I think when they realized Pat was an RN, the rules became just a little blurred, because I had both Krl and Pat back in pre-op and recovery. Pat can talk the talk, that's for sure! The anethesist (sp, there is that word again) would have done just as well to have told me they were going to give me something for pain, but he explained it all to Pat and I guess she said "amen" because they acted like colleagues instead of patient doctor.

During the procedure I dozed. About all I could feel was some pressure until we finished the surgery and they began to make me fully aware so I could be transported back to recovery.

Once I was positioned in recovery, my nurse began getting me some Diet Coke and went to get Krl and Pat to bring them back.

Even though I was still on the fringe of la-la land, when they walked in, I could tell something was wrong. I just had no idea how wrong things were. Of course my first thought was that it was related to my surgery. You hear stories about doctors opening patients up and sewing them back shut telling them their malady was in-operable and then offer advice to get your business in order.

I looked at Krl after she gave me a peck of a kiss on the forehead, and then I looked at Pat.

"Freddy died", Pat said.

"Do what", I responded.

"Freddy died", she said again.

"Our Freddy?", I asked.

"Yes", she said.

"What happened?" I asked.

"He didn't come in to work as usual and Joni (his youngest daughter) called Jason (his oldest son) and asked him to go by the house and check on him", Pat replied. "Jason found his Dad dead, lying on the bed. It appeared he had been asleep, possibly trying to get up and falling back on the bed because his C-pack breathing mask was still in place."

I was in shock. The three of us sat and cried together in that small room.

Immediately we thought of Mom and Dad. We thought of Linda, Jeri, Jason, Christy and the boys, Jake, and Joni. Who was there with them?

After my discharge, we returned to our house and had a brief discussion. It was decided that we would all travel to Roscoe to be with family. Pat volunteered to let us ride with her. I decided that a day removed from my surgery I might be more sore than just a few hours afterward. Pat called ahead to Memama and Pepa's house and learned that all the family had gone to the funeral home but she left word with some family friends at the house we were in route. We made a quick stop by Walgreens in route.

When we arrived we were very relieved to find a number of friends ministering to our family members. Our fears that no-one was there with them were unfounded. First to meet us was Marsha at the back door, next Tonya in the kitchen followed by Ronnie and Ramona in the dining room, Joe Brad at the large dinner table, Mike Long in the big room. I am fearful that I will miss someone and that is certainly not intentional. There was a steady stream in and out of the house all afternoon long. You cannot believe the food being left in the kitchen. The mechanisms of the Roscoe Church and the Sweetwater Church were functioning fully!

The many people who prepared the dishes and were present to serve them or just offered a kind shoulder to lean on will never know how much we appreciate their acts of kindness. I thank them for ministering to Fred's family as well as our parents. Pat's, Krl's, and my fears were totally for naught.

That is one of the things I miss about small towns, it's not like friends and acquaintances, it is more like extended family.

Our family had been shattered over the last few years, but slowly things were put back together and I am thankful for that.

Tuesday Fred and I probably talked four or five times concerning business matters. During the last conversation he told me he would call me the following day and I informed him that I was done for the week because of my surgery scheduled Wednesday. We discussed that briefly and he told me "I will offer up a little prayer for you". I told him I appreciated that and he said, "Hey, I love you man", and I told him "I love you too!"

I don't think I could have scripted a better "last" conversation.

Our family has begun to migrate toward Roscoe for Freddy's funeral service which is schedule for Friday at 2pm. Burial will follow in the family plot in the Roscoe cemetery.

"Coach" arrived at Memama's and Pepa's house about mid-afternoon. TJ was released from the hospital in Corpus Christi yesterday morning and she and ET were expected in last night. As luck would have it, Jeanetta (our sister who lives in Indiana) was in San Antonio for a funeral today.

Pat picked Krl and I up for the trek home and we detoured by the funeral home. We knew that the casket would not be ready until today, but Memama had told us Dan had allowed them in the back to view Fred. Dan provided the same courtesy to us. Fred looked good. Dressed in a blue and white plaid shirt, his favorite jeans and his "comfy" tennis shoes, with just a faint smile on his lips.

Lately Fred had suffered with some back problems and had vocalized that he just didn't feel "good" or quite right. All of that pain, every affliction was gone.

I know Memama will say, "This is not the way it is supposed to be. A parent is not supposed to bury their child. The children are supposed to bury their parents."

My only response to her is that we don't make the rules GOD does. We don't have to agree, we don't have to like them, but rest assured his plan is unfolding as HE intends. There will be time for questions and discussions in the hereafter. Besides, GOD doesn't have to explain himself to anyone.

Fred had turned 56 last month. He was brilliant in his ability to put business together and did business the way he was brought up. He was a big man which meant he had a big heart. He was kind. Almost to a fault. If I described him in one sentence I would say, Freddy lived life big and loved even harder.

Not only have we lost a Son, Dad, brother, grandfather, in-law, cousin, or nephew. We have all lost a friend.

We love you man!

FATHER, You ain't seen nothing yet!

I've been awake for just over an hour. I'm wondering if my surgeon is awake or asleep. I'm hoping he is still asleep. I want him to be well rested and fresh. Steady and sure!

I'm number two on the chart this morning. That doesn't surprise me. I've always come in second at best. I've got to report to out patient services between seven and seven-thirty. They predict an hour wait, an hour for the procedure, and the type of anesthesia (general or local) will determine whether I walk out the door immediately or enjoy some of the hospital's hospitality.

I really feel pretty un-informed. I know now what the turkey feels like at Thanksgiving before being carved up. About the only thing I do know is that where they excavate the larger cyst (9" x 5 1/2") they will have to leave drain tubes.

I hope they leave multiples. I've always been a fan of dual exhaust!

By the way, should the surgeon get carried away and mistakenly remove my pea brain, thinking it was a small cyst, I appoint Carol as my guardian! If in the event they mistakenly take my heart (for transplant purposes or whatever) prior to my being through with it, I bequest to her all of what little I have! That'll make you wonder if that would be a reward or punishment.

Krl and I have an agreement about what to do in the event something happens to either of us, much to my mother's dismay. I suppose this procedure should make us realize that this needs to be done officially. I guess this is the first serious realization of our own mortality.

What I would give for a Diet Coke about now. (I've been on restriction since midnight).

I've felt somewhat guilty about the timing of this surgery. Right now I could be a benefit to Pepa or Hag as they are trying to get their farming done, cotton planted and wheat harvested. Yet this past week the knots or cysts have bothered me much more than they ever have. So there is no time like the present!

Did I say how bad I want a Diet Coke?

I think I have covered all the bases at work and at home. I hope so anyway. I sort of stepped into the back ground at work this week. Chris does very well working the counter. David is learning but could be very good. David's biggest problem is that he is young, and that is a problem in itself. Often times instead of Chris acting like he is the boss, he reverts to being an over grown teenager and acts like a "bud" instead. I often tell him that you can't be a boss and a buddy. You can be a boss and a friend.

I talked with our computer support in Atlanta yesterday. Each month we receive a new CD/DVD with updated pricing and product. When the May and then the June updates were installed there were glitches. For May they had to go in and do a system repair. Our updates were installed over the weekend, Monday morning when Chris arrived he booted the system up but it didn't. Atlanta came on line and got us going, but later in the day we noticed some abnormalities. We are spoiled to the computer system. We probably don't have all the essential catalogues and I know we don't have paper price lists, so without the computer we are severely handicapped.

Tuesday morning I was doing some parts maintenance in the computer. Changing inventory levels on some parts, adding bar codes for others, adjusting costs and other sundry tasks! All the sudden I put one part number in. 29450, line code BUT.. When I hit enter the part number changed to83-11812 and the line code changed. I blinked and back tracked, re-entering my information. Same result. When I talked with computer support, Gerald told me what I was reporting was not possible. It made no sense. I wanted to tell him I had better things to do than harass him about non-existing problems. I gave him my computer's IP address and he got in my machine to watch and I demonstrated the reported problem. He sounded a lot like a small child. "Do it again!", he said. "Wow, that's weird". He asked me to hold while he talked with someone else. Finally he told me he was kicking this up to programming because I had a legitimate problem.

Thank goodness. I would hate to be illegitimate.

By the way, he said he would call when the problem was fixed. He never did. And by the way, the problem still persisted when I left.

If the anethesist (sp) can't get me to go to sleep it will be because my mind is still worrying about being illegitimate.

Man, what I would give for a big glass of Diet Coke with ice. Ummm!

Well, I'm going to go run me a hot bath and read and soak. After this morning it will be showers only for the next week. Don't ask me why but reading a book in the shower is just not the same as reading a book in the tub!

Have a day!

FATHER, it's in YOUR hands.

As Mondays go I'm glad that one is in the books!

Busy, Busy! What can I say. The hot, bright, gorgeous weather is increasing business. Of course we knew it would.

I am still thrashing, trying to get everything done that needs to be done prior to Wednesday's procedure. I can't imagine what other things may surface, prior to.

Yesterday was spurty (if that is a word). We would be run over with customers, then it would clear out until the next rush. I personally like it to be steady. I don't like it when we have eight customers waiting in line for one of the two computer terminals and sales people to check them out or research their parts needs. Luckily David is back from the FCA all-star game last weekend. That gives us three working the counter.

One of our best customers came in wanting some plumbing supplies that we were out of. No excuses. For some reason our shelf is depleted. Our hardware orders run a week behind, so there will be no relief (meaning inventory) until next week. Being of the old school that service counts, I told the customer I would pick up what he needed from one of the large discount building supplies in Abilene.

I left Roscoe and the parts store an hour early and made the necessary stop. While I was there I picked up some random items (amounting to just a few dollars) not necessary for inventory numbers but for a reality check regarding price. I was somewhat shocked when I retrieved the items I had really stopped for. If you haven't purchased anything copper lately, you had better protect your wallet! Out the roof! I had figured ten or twelve dollars for my shopping stop. $61+, I was out the door! Wow!

My day today begins with a stop by another vendor to pickup for the General Contractor of the wind farms. I love it when my time starts on this end instead of after my hour commute! Heh!

While I was in the large discount building chain I purchased some granular insecticide for our yard at home. (I had it rung up separate). Use to we could treat the yard with Dursban once or twice a year and we would pretty much be insect free above and below ground! I actually think it helped with flies and mosquitos. After the government decided to protect us from ourselves and banned Dursban, we have had to try to find an alternate product. So far, nothing works like what we are accustomed too. I changed brands yesterday for this next application (which will be our second of the year and this is only June).

Buy the time I got home, picked up a couple of items and ran two errands, it was not far from eight 0'clock! Needless to say, I didn't get the insecticide applied.

So guess what my thrash project is for today after work. Here is a hint. It involves a cyclone spreader! Gotta get it spread and watered in before tomorrow morning!

I am finding myself having horrible trouble falling asleep. My brain is too busy. Every night for about the last week I get back up and lay on the couch and watch television until I drift off. If I go to bed and Phooey and Maple Syrple are fighting for turf I don't last long at all! Most times I will find some sort of mindless old western that I don't want to watch, I just want my brain to cling to something long enough for my eyes to flutter shut! Last night, when I moved to the couch and began channel surfing I ran across the movie Sleepless in Seattle. I love that movie. I guess I can relate to the single Father with his son and finding a relationship. Of course it doesn't hurt that I am a huge Meg Ryan fan. My biggest disappointment last night is I fell asleep before the movie was over! My, but it was a good sleep! (However brief).

Krl and I got a good piece of news yesterday. Our year long negotiations with a governmental agency (who shall remain nameless) have come to an agreeable end. I am thrilled. Prior to the negotiations this had been a five year project of on going meetings and letter exchange. What it means is that for the first time in six years, I can have a checking account! Whatever I do can be for us, not for someone else. I feel like for the first time in a long, long, time I am a private citizen again. All that is left is a signature on paperwork and its exchange, finalizing the agreement.

Yes! I feel like the poster child for the family. It has been a long road, but there is hope for resolution following the demise of the family business.

Well, gotta get! Today is my last scheduled work day of this week! (I am the only one who thinks I am a fast enough healer to be back at work before weeks end!).

Have a day!

FATHER, thank YOU for all YOU do. Please continue to lead me.

Krl probably thinks I am a lot like a pregnant woman. I would imagine all of us have heard that just prior to delivery the prospective Mother has a burst of energy and gets all kinds of miraculous things done.

I got all sorts of things done this past weekend. Most of which I had been needing to do, I had just been procrastinating. I have tried to do anything I could that involves lifting, bending, or twisting. I think I am through Thursday of this coming week. Right now my biggest question mark is next weekends errands and of course, carrying in groceries. We may just have to use the on site reserve for a few days, because while I am hopeful for a quick recovery, I have my doubts about a three day removed surgical patient and a woman with a cast on being too good at weekly tasks!

I guess I will look pretty smart with my inventory levels! Heh!

I will admit, I am experiencing some anxiety about the surgery. While it wouldn't be considered major, it is like multiple mini surgeries. On the other hand, with the misery these cysts or masses have dealt me this weekend, I sure need some relief! I subscribe to the addage that minor surgery is when it is on you! Major surgery is when it is on me! Hah!

I am cautiously optimistic about my recovery although Krl and Pat seem to think it will take some time. I think Pat has scratched me from the work schedule for the rest of the week past Wednesday.

Forecasters say summer is coming to West Texas this week. Luckily Abilene has not been above ninety officially for the year. That is all about to change!

I have been told that the long range forecast calls for things to turn off dry in July and August. We'll hope not, but for the time being we will continue to try to enjoy our bounty of moisture!

Well, gotta get! Have a day!

FATHER, you know my needs.

Yep, up and at 'em again!

Darn it!

It has been a wild and wooly week and the forecast says more of that to come!

Work has been very busy, thankfully. EVERYONE is trying to do something! I continue to be amazed at the differences between the local farm economy and the wind farm economy. Even more astounding are the differences between companies as well as "in" company divisions! One man will come in pricing an item and try to deal on it, telling us he can get the same item a couple of dollars cheaper in Minnesota. I tell this particular person buy it in Minnesota and pay the freight to get it in here! It is not unusual for him to leave and before the day is out one of his co-workers (from another division) walk in and buy everyone of the same items we have on stock and ask us to order more of them in! It is wild! Of course they don't understand doing business the way we do either. If we have a box of bolts that the seal is broken on, we will pour them out and count them before we invoice them. They are amazed and shake their heads saying they could care less if they are short or long, "Hey, it's not my money".

We have other companies beginning to arrive. Of course we had been told to expect an influx of an additional five hundred workers April 1 but the wet weather delayed this. We are now beginning to experience new customers wanting to "infringe" on established customer's dedicated inventory. I think I have given the spiel so many times that I could do it in my sleep! "If you want or need us to place specific items in inventory during your time in our area we will be more than happy to do so". Blah, blah, blah!

My Thursday "off" wasn't really off at all. I had places to go and things to do. I began at the doctor's office, followed by a trip to the out patient pavilion to do blood work, EKG and other "pre-surgery" testing. This coming Wednesday I am going to have an elective procedure. I am having some fibroid cysts or masses removed. Thankfully no-one seems to be too concerned about them. My doctor and my surgeon think it is just an inconvenience for me and a revenue opportunity for them. The cysts don't appear to be a problem but they have become uncomfortable enough that they need to be dealt with. Initially we were going to remove three but now that has risen to six, this procedure. I am so confident this is going to be a success I am already planning a second go round. Actually, the reason for this is if they use a "general" to sedate me they can't roll me over from back to front. If they use "local" they can.

What a way to lose weight!

After finishing up at the out patient clinic I headed back to the house.

As our luck would have it Krl had an appointment with her doctor at the same time. She was so sure he was going to take off her cast. He didn't. Three more weeks! Which really messes up our plan for one of us to be fully mobile! I've warned Krl that when she got well it was my turn to be sick and I was going to be really really sick! She thinks I am a horrible patient already!

Since Thursday was the end of the month, I had told Pat I would come in to help close the month and do the trial balance in preparation for doing monthly statements! It seems that each time I help with these I am finding "little" things that help expedite the program. Pat had copied all the signed invoices so we just needed to check it all off. While the procedure is different, the goal is the same as we had at the old office! Biggest difference is the parts store is on a much smaller scale! The monthly statements I carried to the post office wouldn't have made a wart on a bad day's backside at the old office! Those girls who copied and put together those bills on a daily basis should have made more money!!

Of course my Friday was spent stuffing envelopes! Biggest problem was there was a problem with a computer program that held the customer names and addresses and I couldn't print the envelopes. I hand addressed all of them!

When I finally went to the post office I had them grouped into "in town" and "out of town", adequate postage and those needing additional postage! I did learn one thing that might be of value to you in the future. While first class mail went up for the initial weight, the additonal weight went down in price. Seventeen cents! Put that in the memory bank!

It was with a great sense of relief that I returned to the store!

Rian had called me to tell me they were going to be in Abilene for a wedding this weekend. He said Memama and Pepa were wanting Reid to stay with them and he wanted to know if they were "up" to company. After a round robin discussion everyone agreed it might be good!

Rian and Reid stopped by the store as they came into town. It is funny, to Reid two things define Roscoe. The railroad tracks and the grain elevator!

When I left work about six thirty Friday I decided to stop by and check on Reid and his playmates! When I arrived there Memama was getting ready to take Pepa to the ER at Sweetwater. They were concerned he might have a blood clot or blockage because one of his legs was really swelling! Even so, they weren't ready to call off the exercise with Reid. Jake was taking him to the Golden Arches Dinner Club while Memama and Pepa went to the ER.

I headed home but not before taking a two hour diversion "in route". After drive time and time spent at the diversion, I walked into the house shortly after ten in the evening. I had been gone over fifteen hours! Then the phone got crazy. They were moving Pepa to Abilene by ambulance to do a doppler test on his leg. The Reid plan had to move to the next phase so Meme and Dandy were on for Saturday. When I got out of the bathtub, it was almost one in the Saturday morning. Yuk! Reid rode to Abilene with Memama, Rian met them at the hospital, got Reid and took him to the hotel and put him in bed with his Momma and Rian returned to then hospital to sit with Memama. About one forty five they released Pepa to go home! No clot, no blockage. At least not in the vessels. I swear I think when they see he is on Medicaid Medicare and has a supplemental policy they want to ring the bell for eveyone all around! Dollars for the house! On me! I remember when money was secondary! I guess now the oath calls for promising to spread the wealth around to all the other colleagues!

I met Rian and Reid for breakfast at IHOP. (I knew we should have gone to Denny's). Afterward, Reid went with Dandy to pick up Meme and go to the Zoo. I have never been to the Zoo on a speed seeing trek until then. It didn't take Reid long to look at each different display. It reminded me a lot of Chevy Chase in Vacation at the Grand Canyon. We were probably in the Zoo an hour and a half or two hours, then it was on to Fort Imagination! Reid enjoyed this more than the Zoo. From there we went to the airport! Reid is so facinated with airplanes! We decide then that we need to do some of our regular Saturday things and headed to the house to get our grocery list! By the time we arrived, Reid was sacked out! I got Krl inside and brought
Reid in to lay him down and he woke up. "NO!" he said. And we loaded back up and went to the grocery store. We got one of those carts with the kid car on the front. I think Reid ran over everything in the store! It was hillarious! He would turn that wheel like mad and he would still go straight and run into something! We would come out to the end and I would give that basket a tug and spin it and Reid would just squeal with glee. Of course we couldn't go to the store without allowing him something. He had earned a little money pushing Meme's wheelchair.

It was a pretty good day. Reid is a good boy (actually better than his Daddy was) but both of them are and were handfuls! Reid loves to swing and every time we came by the house we would spend a great deal of time in the back yard. I will say that Reid is tough as a boot! I forget how tough little boys are!

We only had one major altercation before Reid figured out who the boss was. It cost him his popsicle and a lengthy time out. But I won.

Finally, close to five we dropped the little man off with his Dad. We did get to see "little bit" there as he had come in for the wedding.

All that was left of our day was to return home, pick up some coupons for gas discount (they had to be used yesterday) and run both Krl's SUV and my work pickup to and from the fuel stop! When we finally got slowed down and in the house, we realized we were tired!

But it was a good day!

I did call and check on Pepa. He thought he was some better today. I had to razz him about I had covered for them again!

Krl and I had talked about going out but we decided to stay in! Ain't peace and quiet nice! Actually we were both physically tired and I was hurting a little. I told Krl that it would appear we might have scheduled Wednesday's surgery just in the nick of time because one of those cysts is really bothering me!

Well, have a day, we did!

FATHER, abide with me!