I am frustrated.

I am anxious.

I am depressed.

I am on edge.

I am grasping at straws.

I'm confused.

I'm attention deficit.

The reason for this is I have a project where I seem to be chasing my tail! It is almost like every few minutes I say, "Oh, I recognize that fire hydrant!"

I am working on a spread sheet that has to be transferred to a form, and nothing fits. Fact is I am not even sure all this is necessary. Or it may very well be that I may not have gone far enough.

I don't know!

My employer was supposed to have changed ownership last April. It was the conclusion of one contract and the beginning of another. Three years done, three new years.

The previous owner had been one of necessity. I had a signed contract, but no resources and would face liability for non-performance. I had sold my contract to this group for a dollar and a job for me and my spouse and they in turn would take the company and hold it while drawing a hefty management fee after supplying start up money.

There were definite parameters. Day to day operation was lower management's responsibility, operations, employees, reporting. Upper management was the financing group. Basically, they would furnish funding to get the project off the ground. It wasn't a marriage made in heaven. It was more like a deal with the devil. Dollars up front and the only headache they had was including the new company in their holdings. From the get go, it was supposed to be a three year deal.

I'm not sure when I became uncomfortable with the arrangements. I guess my first hint should have been when they made their funding a one time deal. "Take it and make it work." The second hint should have been that they were basically sucking off the top with big management fee charges. Their explanation was that they were taking the profit so it could be reported through the parent company. Basically their acquired company was a "break even" deal, at least on their books and in their sales spiel. The third hint should have been that they preferred to deal in cash for their fees.

Start up in subsequent years was not funded by the holding company. Sink or swim seemed to be the mandate. We did some powerful swimming. It also became apparent that the holding company had been negligent in filing some of the annual reports regarding the held subsidiary. I am not even sure if the held company still exists.

Now, from my vantage point, I don't know if the transfer to new ownership took place or not. I guess I'm not far enough up the feeder chain to have been informed. Even the prospective buyer doesn't know, they have not received any of the business paperwork. Now I don't know if I need to do reporting for the prospective owner from the supposed acquisition date or not.

The phone number I had goes directly to voice mail, and I have not had any direct contact in almost a year, even though they continued to be paid their fee through December, as part of the buy/sell agreement. If the transfer of ownership is complete everything is all right. If they have not completed the transfer they have not complied with the agreement.

Me, I'm confused.

The new contract was signed by the prospective owner, so I think that is good. Other assets of the company in question are the now expired contract , and a laptop computer. I think this is good too!

My first inclination is to tell the prospective owner to forget the acquisition and form a new company, clear of these characters in question. I would sure hate for the new owner to get sucked into something that has begun to smell.

My guess is that the new owner has been fleeced for five figures and I feel bad, because it was at my urging they pursued the deal. While the prospective owner didn't actually lay the five figures cash on the table, this low five figure number represents profit that would have been theirs if they had simply began a new business. By the holding company's continued drawing of the management fee, the prospective owner is at break even, but not below break even. And that is good.

I think I am beginning to rue the day.

When I first met then man who seemed to be too good to be true, he was based out of a south plains town. Then he moved to a border town. My speculation is he is living South of the border now.

Sorry dog is probably living the good life. Sipping margaritas with the senoritas!

For a brief time I forgot, "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is."

I've got a headache.

I would prefer to work for the new ownership, regardless of whether they acquire the old company or not. For the first time in several years Krl and I remained employed year round! That is a big plus. We were given a choice and volunteered to take reduced wages but receive medical insurance coverage.

Krl and I talked yesterday about our jobs. We realize that much of our self validation is tied to them as we have been through a very fragile period. But we're going to continue to get better. We've come a long way but have a "far piece" to go.

Hopefully there will be a day when we can do for ourselves. I told Krl that I would be really tempted to quit, the moment I have dealt with my personal remaining nemesis from recent years. I had made an offer last October, they countered, I accepted. I have been waiting for going on five months for notice of the agreement. It is very odd and unfair that they issue deadlines to me but they drag things on forever.

My patient is getting tired of being my patient. Krl told me she has had some really weird dreams that her leg has healed, in fact she said she almost attempted to walk the other night before she realized she still has her cast on. We've got a long way to go before we get there! We'll be one fourth of the way into her recover tomorrow. Three weeks. If we were on a six week program it would be good. We're on a twelve week program before rehab! So it is way too early for us to be getting tired and anxious. I know she is really tired of me being her only contact with the outside world. Of course these spring like days have given her spring fever too.

For a short while yesterday I left the back door open and let the house air out, then the wind got to blowing and the neighbors dog and our houndgirls began a squabble through the fence. Thankfully by late in the day things calmed down. I even grilled out for supper.

Rian called and said yesterday was another nasty day in Lubbock. I can only imagine. Pepa called me and said he is afraid some of his wheat has been blown out. (Meaning the blowing sand has burned it, possibly killed it.) Over the last few years more and more farmers have gone to no till or minimum till farm practices. This utilizes chemicals instead of plows. Thing is when you have sprayed and killed any weeds that provide top cover, there aren't any clods present to slow down surface winds. The result is the sand blows, un-impeded. It if gets too bad it can fill the seedbeds up with a super fine particle sand. If this happens, it has to be dealt with, usually by deep plowing or turning the ground over. Mouldboard or switch plow. Problem is it is pretty late to be doing this and chances are it will dry out as deep as you turn it, losing precious underground moisture. What we need is a good rain so these farmers can fresh plow and hold their land. In fact I don't think they would object to a good rain about every two weeks. It always puzzles me that mother nature is the problem (wind) but mother nature is also the solution (rain).

Well, I have ranted and raved, thanks for enduring.

Have a day!

FATHER, I could sure use some divine inspiration. Bless me oh LORD, and expand my boundaries. Keep me from evil that I may do good.