Thursday when my friend K.O. and I went to Roscoe for him to talk with Pepa and explain his lease program for his trucking company. Early on Pepa became very upset with me. He slid some papers to me and told me I needed to sign them. I asked what it was and he said it was a release settlement. I began looking over the papers and immediately discovered the dollar amount of the agreement had been whited out. I asked him what the dollar amount was and he told me it wasn't any of my concern because I wasn't the one paying it. Further scrutiny revealed a missing appendix listing the equipment this concerned. When I inquired about this, I was told once again it was no concern to me because I wasn't going to own any of the equipment since I wasn't going to pay for it. I told him that I wasn't going to sign anything without letting my attorney look over it, and that I had a real problem with signing anything that had information whited out. I feel it was terribly unfair for him to even ask me to sign the papers. My common sense told me that any liability I had to this finance company had been discharged by the bankruptcy court and I am not anxious to jump into anything.

Pepa was getting wound up about this time and his recollection of the events and what transpired when creditors began pursuing the guarantors of the family business. Either he doesn't recollect or he has chosen to make up a saga that is more to his liking. He continued on to tell me that Pat and Hag had sat right at his kitchen table telling him that they weren't going to let him lose everything that he had worked for because of the company's demise. He finished this statement by telling me that the only thing they didn't do was finish this statement by saying they were going to take everything he had worked for.

Bunk!

He doesn't recall that Rodney at First National somehow vacated his homestead exemption on his house and home place when he was writing up loan papers when Pepa left the Roscoe Bank and moved to Sweetwater. He doesn't recall that the trucking company's bank from Ogden, Utah had taken a secondary lien on all of his property (not only his, but all of ours), that they had posted notice to sell all of it on the court house steps. Of course in order to do this they were going to have to pay off any lien holders ahead of them. He doesn't recall that Hag and the lawyer from Lubbock worked and put together a deal for Chris' trust to buy the first lien position from the Sweetwater Bank, blocking the Utah Bank's ability to move into the first lien position and preserving these assets as a friendly lender.

Now Pepa has construed in his mind how all of this was a sinister plan to take his land. All the sudden he didn't choose the Lubbock attorney, and other people got involved in his business.

I think the root of this problem stems from Hag's Dad and Pepa not getting along, and branches out from there. As Pat puts it, they are both Alpha males. When things really escalated with this problem, Pepa told Hag he didn't want Hag's Dad on any of his property. This ended up with Hag moving his farming operation totally to his gin headquarters. It also left Pepa to have to move back into a primary role concerning his own farming. It didn't help Hag and Pepa's relationship when farm operation financing for Pepa was not possible as it had been in earlier years, and it also didn't help when one of the family friends who also rents some land to Pepa told Pat and Hag it was time for Pepa to slow down, that they should approach him about renting the farm land he owned. I think that Pepa is totally within his rights in deciding who comes on his property, but I think it is totally unfair for him to want Steve to decide between his Dad or Pepa.

It is almost junior high school stuff!

Pepa told me that looking back he would do things differently. I think all of us would. Memama always wanted all of her kids to come back and join in the family farming operation. That was an idealistic plan and hindsight tells us that we probably should have explored other possibilities, at least for a short time. I sometimes wonder what would be different.

Probably the biggest fallacy Pepa uttered was how he had set all of us up in farming. In the 80's after the Plains debacle, the family operation had to be split up into five different farming operations. It wasn't because of payment limitations although that was a side benefit. Production Credit had gotten scared of large operations because they had an air head for a leader. Each of us boys bought farmland and equipment out of the corporation, all of us securing individual loans through FmHA.

Two of the five operations are out of farming now. Not because we didn't like it but because we couldn't make a living.

I am upset that Pepa has convinced his mind that his version of events is correct. The dilemma I find myself in is trying to discern how much of this memory problem is the normal ageing process or how much is from early Alzheimer's. The only remaining possibility is that he is just mean and vindictive. If the latter is the case it is a lot like biting the hand that was offered to you in help.

I realize that Pepa is a control freak. He likes to be the one moving and shaking, pulling all the strings. He is a master manipulator. I personally think this is a lot of the problem because he isn't in a superior position now.

Hag is pretty much a free spirit. What you see is what you get. That's probably one of the things I like about him. I'm not going to tell you he doesn't have his demons, and I don't think he would tell you that either.

One curiosity I now have is wondering what Pepa says about me when I'm not around. I know what he said to Krl six years ago. It doesn't hurt her or me any less as time has gone on.

The drive back from Pepa's house to Abilene was spent with K.O. and I talking about our visit and everything that transpired. He made the comment that he had never seen that side of Pepa.

I'm trying to understand the situation because I won't make excuses. I can't understand talking about Pat and Hag and yet expecting her to be at a becon call if it is something that Pepa wants or needs.

I don't know how Pat can do it.

I told Pepa as I was leaving his house he had better get a grip or he was going to be a very sad old man.

And that makes me sad.

I have never had the relationship with Pepa that my brothers and sisters have had. Ours has always been pretty volatile. Thing is, he was pretty much an absent parent during my growing up years, doing what he had to do to provide for the family back home. I know the distress I feel now with his behavior and mis-statements. I think everyone would like to see a return to the old Pepa model, one that was admired and respected.

By the way, the Lubbock attorney looked over the papers I was asked to sign and he said "Not on your life". He placed a call to the Sweetwater attorney and told him this was not how this should have been handled. The Sweetwater attorney agreed to rectify this and if there was a problem he would call.

I'm sure this won't be received well. It's not that I want any of the equipment. Fred has stuck with it and if he wants it he should have it. Contrary to what anyone might think, I have done nothing that would be detrimental to his efforts. For me personally, I just couldn't continue to fight the uphill battle every day.

With everything going on it sure makes me glad I live fifty miles away. I had planned on trying to make Pepa's doctor's appointment Friday, but Thursday was enough for me.

As Krl says, "Will this ever be over?" My honest response is "I don't know". If I had millions of dollars I would fix it all. But I don't and I can't.

Call me crazy but I am glad when other members of my family have good fortune. I'm glad for promotions and new jobs, I'm thankful for rain and good crops. I'm happy when Kirb does well or the Lions roar. I don't understand wishing bad for someone you are supposed to love.

Sometimes I think if it weren't for family I would have nothing to blog about.

Have a Super day!

FATHER, I don't even know what to say.