Forgive me, but I'm beginning to go through my yearly funk.

I alerted Krl to this the other day, and she was very sympathetic and understanding. I begin to worry about money. I begin to worry about whether or not I can justify asking the company to keep me on, out of season, doing whatever menial tasks need to be done. I miss the jobsite with friends. I miss being able to "see" the fruits of my labor there. I miss feeling like I am a contributor.

It is becoming more and more clear, how much of my identity and self worth are tied to my work. Surprise, surprise! Upside to this being an annual happening is my self analysis is quick and easy.

I have decided I am a bum. I know, it would have been a shot in the ego to receive that year end bonus. But that didn't happen. I sure am glad I didn't count on that 53M. It's even more depressing to learn of the exorbitant amounts of money companies and teams are paying people to fire them! Where does that leave me? (Other than several decimal points towards the left).

I feel rejected. Un-appreciated. Under-compensated.

My favorite television commercial is for Air Tran. The boss is talking to a guy at the office over the phone. The guy at the office asks the boss if he was firing him over the phone. The boss laughs and replies yes. The guy asks the boss where he is. Next scene shows the guy in a cab and then in an Air Tran plane. Next frame shows the boss addressing a conference telling them that all their employees are important and vital to the company, profits are at an all time high. Next picture shows the guy from the office flying through the air, tackling the boss on stage.

Justice.

I am beginning to wonder if I am an underachiever. Seriously. Maybe I am just a glutton for punishment. I think back to the years I was farming and the struggles over finances. For years I tried to make a living off way to few acres. The farm laborers were actually making more money than me. Every aspect of the work was fulfilling except for the money. Thankfully, Krl had a good job. For most of our married life she has had a good job. She has always out earned me. It's a good thing I'm not insecure.

As per the past, I need to get out and do something. And I will. And everything will move back in place.

How 'bout them bowl games? Hardly any of my teams won. Whazzup with that? How 'bout Boise State?

My biggest question is what Joe Paterno's role is at Penn State. He was in the press box, but I never saw him with a headset or on the phone. I am wondering what the structure is at State. I've always heard that an effective head coach coaches the coaches, and they in turn coach their charges. Obviously, Joe Pa has surrounded himself with good people. From what I saw, the schemes were pretty cutting edge for an eighty year old coach.

I had an interesting conversation with Pat today. We are going to try to have lunch. She was telling me she was bestowed with another job. Since she serves as school nurse, she has been appointed her communities "first responder" in the event of a pandemic episode. I'll try to write more on this later but she told me the people in charge of this are saying for your family you need a month supply of food and water on hand. Huh? They even had some pretty astounding death estimates. Wow!

Well, my brain is empty. If you happen to buy a new refrigerator, call me before you get rid of the box. (Just in case I don't get out of this funk.)

Have a day.

FATHER, I' m sure glad I'm not in this alone.