I'm not getting on to well with being more diligent in posting. But, that's the nature of my fickle brain of late.

While my brain hasn't been where other's have claimed their brain has been lately, my brain has not been in a good place mentally (thankfully it is still located in my skull although a lobotomy might be a big, big, relief!)

Work has been just that. Time off has not been time off. I had figured the short week following the holiday would be a breeze. WRONG! It really sucked. Wednesday and Friday to the metroplex and Thursday stuffed in between, a Lubbock. All of them singles.

Krl received the company's settlement check for the week of two weeks ago and she was not happy. When she discussed it with me I wasn't either. When I discussed it with KO he was shocked and surprised. (Join the club.) KO blames it on the shortage of trailers. I think that is one factor that combined with the problem of loads not being pre-loaded on time and the inability of Fossil Creek to get equipment in and out, yields a disastrous result. KO picked up the first of ten new lease trailers Thursday (He was supposed to do this Wednesday) and Friday Marolen and I went to Dallas and picked up two more. We ended up going across town and loading back to Abilene.

Why is it the larger the town the smaller brain drivers are equipped with?

I prefer to drive in Abilene over Fort Worth, Fort Worth over Dallas, Dallas over Houston, and Houston over Chicago. I know there are a lot of idiots in Dallas!

A large part of the driving mis-behavior in the larger cities is simply the lack of courtesy! They are all competitive for that same small piece of asphalt.

I got in at a so so hour Friday afternoon. Not as early as if I worked in Abilene, but not nearly as late as many of my nights have been of late. Krl had called asking if we could entertain friends. They have been childless for the last two weeks and wanted to get together before the crew returned. I told Krl I had no problem as long as we had some way to yell calf rope when I got ready to go to sleep. It was 11:41 when I went to the bedroom. That's a long way from three in the morning!

I had visited with Pat while I was on the road Friday. Last week she had gone in to see her dermatologist (she is very good about seeing him about all sorts of small maladies that could escalate). A week prior to, he had taken some biopsies of some small, bruise like spots from her shins. I was very interested in this as we both have the same splotches! When the doctor walked in with her folder she said it was very evident he had not looked at it because when he opened it up, he became quiet, closed it and repeated the process several times. Being a health care professional, Pat asked the doctor if there was a problem. He opened the folder again and told her, "I never expected this." He went on to tell her that the biopsies had come back from the lab as (bear with my spelling) basil cell carcinoma. The doctor couldn't hardly believe these results and told Pat he wanted to do a couple more biopsies to double check. Thursday Pat had returned and got good news. None of the most current biopsies came back with the earlier result. The doctor said that possibly he removed one that had gotten a little sun. It is a situation he will monitor but for now they have thrown it into Pat's worry box! "Just don't have enough time to worry about that now!"

While Pat and I talked she informed me that Hag, her husband, and her had been up a large portion of the night Thursday and early Friday. Hag's mother had been having increasingly difficult medical problems. Just a few weeks ago they had gone in to remove a section of perforated intestine and when they had done several procedures, all they had left was eighteen inches. She would be relegated to feeding during the night through a tube. Her doctor told her she could go into a grocery store and eat the entire store but she would still starve to death. After the initial shock wore off it became apparent that she could continue to function with the feeding tube. I am not sure what problem required Hag's mom to return to the hospital Thursday night but during that visit she suffered cardiac arrest and they couldn't bring her back. She was sixty-nine, survived by four daughters, four sons, about a dozen and a half grandchildren and several great grandchildren. Pat's comment to me was that she had never (even in all her nursing) met anyone as anxious and ready to leave this world.

Condolences to Hag and his brothers and sisters and all the family.

The family reunions a week ago were bitter sweet. Three cousins (or cousin in-laws) were missing. One slightly older, one exactly my age, and another several years younger. Of the three, one was already gone at last years reunion.

I don't handle death very well. Probably the one time I handle it correctly will be upon my own death. I feel very inadequate in knowing what to say although I do stay away from the "GOD's will" line of thinking. In fact often times I get bent out of shape with GOD when bad things happen.

I didn't get to visit with Rene's parents this reunion. They seem to still be struggling after a year. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child. Rene was 44, a single mother of two children who were on the verge of being grown up. Late adolescence or early adult hood is a perilous time to lose your mom but the kids seem to have done quite well. At least while compared to a year ago.

I appreciate the fact that they attend the reunion even though they know it is going to be difficult. I miss Rene', and I think about her more often than they might think. I think back to reunions where she helped with the auction, to reunions where she was quick to interject with her quick wit and humor. I think back to 2004 when following the family church service she stood alongside her mom and dad as they told the family the cancer had came back for a third time. I think back to her dad leading the family in a prayer petitioning for her healing at that time. I think back to getting reports, some good some not so good, to finally realizing that she was slowly slipping away. I think back to the phone call telling me she was gone. I think back to going to the funeral home South East of Dallas, where friends, relatives and colleagues paid homage to her brief life. I can see her dressed in her uniform as though simply asleep. I think back to the precious tiny black ringlets of hair, the result of her chemo. I think back to the tremendous show of love and support by friends of the family (our family is huge and possess huge appetites, and there was an abundance of food). I think of the huge gathering for the funeral service. I remember feeling honored and inadequate at serving as a pall bearer. I think back to the lifting of her coffin to the top of a Fire truck and then the hour long procession to her final resting place. Finally, I remember the tolling of the bell by the chaplain from Dallas.

And I wonder why my focus is on the end of her life instead of what came before?

Often times we hear of people who are upset that GOD didn't answer their prayers. I don't believe in unanswered prayers. I think GOD answers them all. I think sometimes we are upset with how GOD answers them.

I continue to tell myself that we are small frame viewers of the large picture GOD sees. Being the merciful GOD we believe him to be, we can only imagine that by ending the suffering it might be some indication of worse things to come on this plane. I often make the assessment that GOD took them home to heal them. No more suffering, no more pain.

Simply said, "Incentive!"

Be all you can be.

FATHER, I need some help here. I am mired in the muck. FATHER I pray for healing of these hearts that hurt with loss. Surround them with YOUR angels and comfort them. Work YOUR plan for us, in us, and through us.