I had an encounter Friday with one of Texas' finest. I was on my way in to work and had just gotten on the interstate highway when I met a DPS trooper. He immediately hit the median and did a "flip flop", my first reaction was to glance at my speedometer (68 miles per hour). My second reaction was that he must have an emergency in the western portion of the county. You can imagine my surprise when he dropped in behind me! I immediately pulled to the shoulder of the highway and started getting paperwork together. Now a little background on my "ride". My work truck is a ten year old Chevrolet S-10 with a 4 cylinder engine. Not exactly a muscle truck. The trooper asked if I knew why he had stopped me and I replied no. He then (with a straight face) told me he had clocked me at 84 miles per hour with his radar. I laughed and told him I didn't think so. He assured me that he was correct and I started realizing there was a major problem somewhere. Now my truck on a good day with a strong tail wind, pointed downhill might be able to run 84 miles per hour, but not in a one mile distance (I guess I could strap it on an atlas rocket and it could meet that criteria). You have to realize that I have not had a moving violation since 1993. As things progressed it became evident this "trooper" was the lucky purchaser of a box of Cracker Jacks which yielded a badge and a gun. His ten gallon hat must have been full of water when he put it on that morning because his brain must have shrunk. When he pulled his clipboard out to write the citation I thought it odd that a substantial portion was already filled out. He completed the remainder of the citation and asked for my signature. I replied that I really had a problem signing something that was such a blatant lie, his response was that should I refuse he would place me under arrest and haul me in to the courthouse, something he would be more than happy to do! His exuberance surprised me and was matched only by his lack of tact. My day flashed in front of me and I quickly decided that I would turn this problem with "Barney Fife" over to my attorney. I responded to the trooper that I would sign the citation under duress and I would let my attorney deal with him. Now I hate citations of any kind and feel that you might as well burn money as have to pay a fine. I was really dreading getting home Friday night and telling my wife because she feels the same way. I decided "to take the bull by the horns" and get it over with. I had been home just a few minutes when I told her I had been cited for speeding. Her immediate reaction ws that I had received the citation either in a school zone or a construction zone. When I told her that it was on the interstate she asked how fast they wrote me up for, I replied 84 and she started giggling and wanted to know if my truck was strapped to the bed of a big rig. I was relieved that I was not in trouble. She inquired as to the amount of the fine and I told her $102.00. Her thought was just pay the fine because our attorney would cost more than that. I am battling with this. It bothers me that a man who has been put into a position of trust (Barney) doesn't have the sense to get out of the rain. I don't know what the actual problem was, he may have clocked a foil chewing gum wrapper swirling in the wind or I suppose it is very, very possible he hit the radar buton while he was looking into it and it registered the metal plate in his head and took an approximate IQ reading. Its the principle of it all.